so that wasnt chicken after all
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
