i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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