if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
