By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And then he peed in my hair
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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