I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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