the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry about my life...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
