Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
