Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
