My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
