I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We got so high we made milksteak
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
