There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
