My hand turned me down
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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