the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
