I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
