BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
