He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
