The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Never underestimate the power of titties
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