sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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