OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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