Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
