oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
