Your face is a jimmy john
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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