It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
