Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
