My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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