am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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