Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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