Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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