I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
