i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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