He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
