I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
