If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize