Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
