I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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