I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize