just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
