I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
