Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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