i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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