a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
