the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
