she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
