You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
