I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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