She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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