Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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