You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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