Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
