too bad you live with your parents still
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
