people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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