When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
