I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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