Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
