I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
