I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize