is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
