What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
