paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
