We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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