I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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