My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
