my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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