I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
