Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Reggie can tackle my bush.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
