A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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