everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
