I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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