The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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