What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
