Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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