so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
