I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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