Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
