I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
