community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
